zhmort (zhmort) wrote,

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Down and Up Day

Last night I expressed a couple of things that were bothering me to m. We talked late, and it ended up being very sweet. This morning, though, it was clear that we needed to talk more, so we did. I think we're a great team, but also we both have room for improvement in communicating with each other, trusting each other, and letting go. We talked about and around that for a while, hugged and cuddled a lot, and then eventually moved on to knocking out some of the stuff we had to work on today.

By evening, we were on our way to the coast, which is, blissfully, less than an hour from where we live. By the time we got there, we were feeling great. We walked around on the beach and rocks, took pictures and videos, and hugged and kissed and told each other how much we love each other. It was great. Turns out that town is open late during the summer, so the wharf and the boardwalk were both open. We got caramel and cinnamon apples and clam chowder, and we walked around and took more pictures, and just felt better and better.

I'm feeling like this is/was my last little stress hiccup before the wedding, and that the road will be much smoother from here on out. If that turns out to be true, well, I'll count myself lucky. By any objective standard, it was not a particularly rough week. By mine, though, it was the hardest in quite some time. So I try to remember that, and feel lucky and good even when, for me, I feel unlucky and bad.

One other thing... I've noticed before, and again this week, that I don't tend to write stuff (emails, journals, etc.) when I'm feeling down. Besides not having the energy, I think there's also some element of not wanting to commit "bad" thoughts to permanence. I think and feel things that I know are fairly temporary and out of character for me, and when that's happening, I want it to end as soon as possible. I get the sense that writing down what I'm feeling will just sort of make it worse, and last longer. That may not actually be the case... I don't know because I don't really try it. This may only be interesting to me, but I'm wondering what it means that I only like to talk publicly when I feel good (especially given how much content you can find on LJ that shows people feeling really bad and working it out in words).
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