zhmort (zhmort) wrote,
zhmort
zhmort

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Happy Summer Solstice Eve

Glory be to your favorite deity, deities, or lack thereof! Summer is upon us! Raise the roof! Tear down the walls! Get right on down to the ground with your bad self! Bust a move!

HEY, DAMMIT! I SAID BUST A MOVE!!!

Listen... when I say bust a move, it's important that you understand that I literally need you to bust a move at that time. If you hear, from me, that a move by you needs to be busted, then you'd better damn well be busting your move in short order, and in a way that makes it obvious to all, so that there can be no question about the current status of your movebustingousness.

DO YOU GET ME, MISTER?!?!

Okay, thank you. That's very nice. I appreciate your cooperation. You may go now. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine.

Because it's summer! (Yay!!!) And it's tough to get me down in the summer. Summer has been my favorite season ever since I first found myself, all 16 cells of me, in my mother's womb. (Yes, life begins at 16 cells. The miracle of science proved that out years ago.) At least, I'm pretty sure I was conceived during the summer, since I apparently performed my deft womb-exit maneuver in early Spring, 1969.

(I say "apparently," but I really mean "allegedly," so I'll say that, too, as in: "Allegedly... at least according my mother and the Government, neither of whom can be trusted not to be part of a big consipiracy to keep me from discovering the actual truth about the details surrounding my birth. Well, okay, now that you mention it, my mom probably can be trusted... she's sweet. But there's no reason to go jumping to the conclusion that the Government didn't somehow fool her about the actual time of my birth. I can only guess at the Government's nefarious motives in this evil plot, but I am nonetheless certain this also explains why I haven't yet become President, 6 feet tall, or invisible.")

In 1984 (after my sophomore year in high school), I spent almost the entire summer watching TV... mainly the Olympics and ABC afternoon soap operas. During the Olympics I watched everything. I was a little cookie-cutter American Patriotic Fan-Drone-Clone, and it was way too cool to me that America won so many medals (considering that the USSR wasn't even there). I cried when it was over. After that, it was just One Life to Live, General Hospital, and All My Children. I didn't have the same emotions about Luke's and Laura's fate that year, but I was nonetheless glued to the set every day.

This summer, I bet it goes differently. I bet I watch no Olympics or Soap Operas. I bet that instead, I rent a new house, get married, post to Live Journal a lot, and spend the rest of my time reading Live Journal. Of course, I have some inside info about the likelihood all of those things, so they're really not very impressive or daring predictions. It won't prove I'm clairvoyant if all of that happens.

But never you doubt, I am indeed clairvoyant. Want proof? I just had a vision... you were in it... you were peeing or eating or getting dressed or something.

(See? Pretty spooky, huh?)
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